Learning to control chaos in our lives can result in breaking the cycle of stress eating, especially during the holidays. So take a few pointers from me.You don't need to be the "peacekeeper" for your family, putting your own needs last. It's time to erase all those negative thoughts and start putting your own needs out there. So here's my 10 tips for surviving holiday stress without gaining a pound.

1. STOP thinking you don't deserve what you want because you are not "good enough." You're terrific! Look in the mirror and keep saying positive things about yourself.

2.DON'T present a question about your feelings ( such as "do you know how I'm feeling?). TELL your family HOW you feel, then give them the space/time to deal with what you've TOLD them.

3.THINK about your comments before saying them. Many times we don't realize how others will perceive what we are telling them, and it makes things stressful. This way, you won't lose the meaning of what you are trying to communicate in a word-vomit episode.

4. AVOID inflammatory words such as NEVER and ALWAYS. They imply you are rigid and inflexible.

5.MENTION benefits. This is an old business school trick, but if you want to be successful at negotiating with your family ( after all, that's what life is about ) then informing your family of the benefits they will receive by complying with your request will prevent you from sounding manipulative.

6. DO NOT apologize after making your request. You deserve to be heard and to have your needs considered.

7."I" is a good word to use in your message. It avoids confusion and emphasizes YOUR needs. So practice saying "I need," "I think," "I feel."

8.DO NOT blame or attack. Enough said about that one.

9.KEEP your tone of voice moderate. I find this one the hardest for me, as I "project" my voice when stressed/upset. It really helps to almost whisper as you practice saying your needs ( I use the bathroom ) before delivering your needs to others who may take things in a negative manner.

10.BE objective, stick to your facts and be specific about your needs. It's amazing how having clarity in your OWN thoughts can make a big difference in clarifying what other's hear you say.